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Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Dear Rat B@$tard Criminals....

Dear R@t B@$tards,
If you are one of the peeps who have been hanging out at the local grocery stores to steal purses and/or cause bodily harm to the customers, then this post is for you. If you see me walking into/out of the store -- I suggest you step aside.
I've seen the news and am aware that you are too lazy to get a real job, thus you rob the rest of us hauling our carts (sometimes children in tow) back to our vehicles. We do not intentionally mean to rub your nose in the fact that we work hard and you are too lazy to do so.
I am prepared to take you on. Do not approach me, for you will regret it. I am always on guard and prepared to take on the perpetual punk who thinks s/he is somehow entitled to my belongings, my vehicle, and my money.
I will freak out. I will go crazy Mama. I will run you over with my cart. I will be sure to fight to the end to take you down. I will remember every move from my son's karate class. I will poke out your eyes with my keys, or fingernail, if necessary -- whichever is available at that time.
I will bite anything I can get my teeth into, I will kick you with my boot heels. And, if I am carrying that day, I will use armed force. Don't worry about my aim. I have five shots in the barrel. If you are lucky enough to get away, I will chase you down with my SUV while on the phone to 911. Self-Defense is 9/10ths of the law....
A few suggestions? If I may? Flip a burger. Wait a table. Mow a yard. I have done all of these in some form or fashion. And, guess what? I got paid.
Your's UNTruly,
~~ Farmer*sWife
P.S.
Would you pass the following PSA along to your Gangster friends? THX {Hugs}
Dear Gang Bangers. Boy oh, boy are you tough! It must take so much nerve and braveness to drive by in your vehicle at high speeds and shoot out your window at a house. I mean, how do you keep from falling out? I am curious though, whatever did the house do to you?
Some people might find it more manly to step-up and confront their opponent/antagonist. One on one. But, you? NO. You do the drive by car thing which is waaaay better. Except I guess, when the child that is sleeping there gets injured by a stray bullet. Or, the friend visiting is hit by a lethal blow.
Oh sure. I understand that it is very hard to aim through the solid walls of a house. And, it is hard to aim when the vehicle is moving at double-digit speeds. I just don't know how you do it.
On a side note, you might wanna' read the message I sent to your friend, R@t B@$tard. ;-)
BTW, my concealed weapons licensed is expired but I am signing up to renew it. In the meantime, think of it this way. If you can carry? I can too.
Happy Wednesday!

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8 comments:

Gary Rith Pottery Blog said...

mm hmm, she's tough....

Lis Garrett said...

Remind me not to get on your bad side!

Farmer*swife said...

I can't stand it! It's on the news everyday...and, I keep thinking, "how do they get away with this?"

Geeze... Y'all gotta' keep in mind though, I'm a Texas Gal. ;-)

Delaney said...

I would say that the Texan in you came out in force but I agree 100%!

Baseball Mom said...

ut-oh someone set FW off today. Y'all better watch out. She is not mess'in.

Great message! 100% agree.

Have a great evening.

aylasmom34 said...

Can I help kick some butt?
You are hillarious! I totally agree!
What you said also goes for other confrontational B.O.B.'S as well! You know who I'm talking about.

Prohomemaker.Com said...

See what happens when your kids are sick all week? You go all Walking Tall on people.

:-)

karenmed409 said...

You are one tough cookie!!!

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