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So yesterday was Mother's day. My baby SIL and her Hubby hosted a wonderful Mother's Day BBQ for both sides of the family. There was a great turn out. Chicken, beans, salad this, salad that, fruit, beer. (BEER). :-D
Being the left-over-hore I am, we were hanging around and trying to help some with clean up and putting things away. As blessed as I am, I scored left over chicken and BEANS! Guess what WE had for dinner? So, they not only hosted a wonderful, come together family lunch but they also saved me from having to make dinner. Thank baby SIL and BIL!
This year, well the past year and a half has brought a lot of 'light' to the reality and the longevity but also the fact that in a moment - it is all over. Life can be, that is.
I've had my issues, my hip replacement and all (there was some depression with that and anger and fear) but I am doing REALLY WELL considering the severity of the surgery. Total replacement at 42.
Although on a negative note - the ten pounds I lost before the surgery? With a hip that had me constantly falling down and over and out of bed and off the potty, etc, etc, until TMI. I've since put the weight back on with an extra pound or two. This is SO ODD FOR ME because I was always the tiny person every secretly envied because I have or HAD the genetics of a high metabolism. D@MMIT All. That started going down hill at 38-39. Anyhow, that is supposed to be another post. (YES, I'm going to try and post AGAIN.... AND THIS WEEK!)
But, I realized that although I had a less than perfect childhood. And my youngest brother had to grow up on the other side of that. I think I am finally a grown up. It is like a light... WE THINK we are grown up when we can buy booze and cigarets (I don't smoke, but you get the point). Then, we get married and we think, "NOW? I'm a grown up." Then we hit 30 and it is like, "YO, youngins' in your 20s, you are so far off. From adult hood. Just because you can party and buy booze and vote and all. I'm pregnant. I run a business. I'm having a kid. And then, I had another one.
Then it was mid 30s and I was all, SUPER MOM. I KICK @$$ at everything (but I didn't sleep for about five years. And now. If I am sleeping the rule is - DON'T BOTHER ME LEST THE HORNS COME OUT.) Oh yeah. That's another sign of being a true grown up.
Then I hit my forties. I have had a lot of life changes, a lot of lives lost, a lot of physical changes and then suddenly.... Even though I can have 'TUDE' and all. I was like, well a few months ago. HOLEY CR@P. I think at almost 43? I really AM grown up. I had a year off of being totally out of whack (HEY, PAIN AND BAD FRIENDS WILL DO THAT TOO YOU; AND BEING A WOMAN IN HER 40S SUCKS YOUR EMOTIONS INTO THAT TORNADIC VAULT OF WTH is happening to me.)
But, I think I'm clearing that stage. With some rest, some reality, lots of love for people and xanax. Thank God for xanax. Who knew it could make a mentally unstable control freak perfectionist pretend everything is going to be okay optimist be ... NORMAL? HA HA HA HA! Lucky me!
But, I have come to some new conclusions. My Mom and Dad are wonderful people. I love them dearly and they might love me more. I can talk to either of them about anything. ANY-THING. Sometimes Hubby is like, "You talk about that with them?!!!" Uh... Yeah. So maybe we are more stable because we all started out so unstable. All three as kids finding our way.
My brothers? I adore. Two from Dad and one from Mom. He's the baby but now he is 20 and... all grown up. We all have grown up conversations and then we discuss our dysfunctions and then we laugh. So, you know. Mother's Day and family days and -- I just love'em all. And I think I am finally, FINALLY, a grown up. A fun loving one. A crack a dirty joke (which I wouldn't have done in my thirties), grown up. And sometimes we have to tell people either A) I F-up. I'm not perfect but neither are you; even stevens? Or B) I am not a perfect person, but I am a perfect me.
Hugs and Happy Mother's day.
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