Living in a Glass House

 

Today is a picture perfect Saturday. Although extremely hot, the kids are playing in the pool while I sit sun bathing, watching and playing with them, listening to a variety of music and feeling a slight breeze.

As I sit here I think to myself that this is how it is supposed to be. Castle, husband, happy family, 2 kids, 1.5 dogs, fish, bunny, pool. Beautiful sunshine through a canvas of white cottony clouds.

Hard to believe that life seems so perfect at this very moment. When ten days ago I hit my breaking point.

I celebrated my 44th birthday deciding what changes I needed to make in my life. Because after 44 years of trying to be perfect: perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect friend, perfect family member, perfect daughter, perfect to everyone, perfect at, well, EVERYTHING it got to be a surmounting lot of pressure.

I love my life and all that I do but at this point in life we are supposed to be enjoying what we spent our 20s and 30s working so hard for. At least that is what my therapist said. YES, I said therapist.

After a major breakdown and a behavior the most irresponsible I could ever be I hit it. My breaking point. I exceeded my pressure threshold. I acted out I think partly as a final cry for attention that I needed someone to see ME, and partly a sigh of "well, WTF, why even try so hard?" Neither excuse my horrible actions. But, it did do two things.

1) It did get attention

2) It did make me finally STOP everything and going through the motions and see ME.

I've been crying out for anyone to actually see ME, and in the end, I didn't even see myself through all the other business life was throwing at me. I feel like I've been swimming against the stream for quite awhile and finally I just let it wash me down stream.

Sure there are those who are sitting behind their closed doors judging me and looking down from their towers and pedestals thinking how much better they are than I am at this point. And so be it. As my therapist said, I can't control what others think or feel and it really isn't any of their business anyhow. I can control what I think and how I feel and as long as I know I am swimming a new course then that is all that matters.

And you know what they say about 'behind closed doors.' I'm not the only one who has hit a melting point. I am just the only one who has been seen outside the 'closed doors'. But, in reality, living in a glass house now isn't really so bad. In fact, it is quite freeing. I can be myself. I am strong, I am confident, and I hold great value.

And I have no place in my life for anyone who thinks or feels otherwise. So, let them live in judgment behind their closed doors. Meanwhile, the view from my glass house is grand. And I am swimming toward that silver lining.

Because that is what a Glass Half Full Gal does. May your Saturday be as peaceful as mine <3

Living in a Glass House

To contact me, TEXT ME; this is a NO CALL ZONE

Most everyone knows I talk on the phone but it typically is my last form of contact. I prefer email, texting, messaging, FB, etc over actually DIALING the phone or actually ANSWERING the phone. I even prefer SNAIL MAIL over a ringing phone.

The other day Hubby and others had been trying to reach me. Hubby drops by the house and the conversation went as follows:

Hubby, "How come you aren't answering your phone?"

Me, "I didn't know you called."

Hubby, "I called three times."

Me, "Oh, it must still be on vibrate."

Hubby, "WHY would you leave it on VIBRATE?"

Me, "Because if it RINGS that usually means something is WRONG or someone NEEDS something."

Hubby, "What if I needed to reach you and it was an EMERGENCY?"

Me, "That's what TEXTING is for."

Now, obviously, if the school called or something I would be prompted to answer the call or return the call. It isn't like I don't check my phone very regularly because everyone knows I do. But, if it vibrates I let it go to voice mail. If it is truly IMPORTANT and/or not a wrong number or sales call, it will go to VOICEMAIL and a message will be there for me to listen to and decide how to respond.

Here is the other thing. My texting is set up across all my devices. So if I am working on something on the LT (which everyone knows is the brain of my household and resides in the kitchen, the core of the house) the message will pop up across the top of my screen. If I am out and about and/or at an appt and on the iPad a text message or phone call will also show as a pop-up on that device.

So technically, I'm pretty reachable. (Unless I don't want to be reachable.)

The phone ringing is kinda like my doorbell ringing. My anxiety jumps to a heighten state and my brain goes, "WHO GOES THERE? STRANGER DANGER!!!" Because everyone who knows me knows as well that either I am expecting you and you can walk right in (the door will be unlocked) or you drive around back. If you have to ring the doorbell? You aren't expected and your unexpected visit might not be appreciated much.

So there it is. If you want reach me, REALLY want to reach me. Don't call. Don't make me jump. Don't make me anxious. TEXT me. And I'll be sure to get back to you; and none of that waiting on those little dots...

~ The Life of Farmer*sWife

To contact me, TEXT ME; this is a NO CALL ZONE

MAX and a life update...

Happy Saturday, at least I hope it is a happy one for you. Here it is Happy Hot; if scorching outside could in any way be Happy.

Today was a family venture to town a/k/a the big city. New sneakers for Farmer, Jr. for high school athletics, a few tennis shirts for Lil'Gal and a trip to the PET STORE for some puppy stuff for Max.

Chew toys for those puppy teeth and to entertain the little fella' when we aren't home or able to and a self watering system so that he can have unlimited water without flipping his bowl and bathing himself and his kennel. Also a collar which is adorable and a harness for training (he is still too little for it but I explained to Lil'Gal along with a pet tech that as he gets a little bigger he will be more excited and harder to control while training him).

Then we found the cutest thing at the register. Little 'doggie tags' that you can have made via laser right there on site providing your pet's name on the front and personal contact information on the back! He is so adorably cute because even as small/extra small as everything is - he still need a few more weeks or a month or two to grow into it all.

Lil'Gal and her LONG awaited puppy; MAX

Like Krezent, Max will be microchipped as soon as he is old enough; microchip your pets.

Super cute! Before we left this morning Lil'Gal had to let him out to potty (he is learning better with poo so far than pee, but he is getting it already) and water and fresh food, etc.

Hubby actually looked down at him and said, "He is going to be a good dog. I can tell." I replied, "So you like him?" Hubby, "Yeah, I do." WOW!!!

The Beast is still adjusting. I can tell he is a wee bit jealous since he had the kids and I all to himself most of the summer. All day, every day, out to roam and be pet and chew on bones under our chairs. He'd even sit and smile watching us swim.

He's sniffed Max over multiple times but when Max tries to come up and play (even as wobbly as he is) The Beast kinda' backs off - not impressed. Just wait till the puppy gets bigger BUBBA, then you are going to be in for some serious romping and puppy teeth.

I have to say Max came along at just the right timing. As with all of our dogs it has seemed. I'm going through some serious changes in life and having to deal with some personal issues. I have an appointment next week to start dealing with all of this. I'll probably share more when I feel less down on myself and more in charge of things.

I am still a Glass Half Full Gal. But, even at the happiest we can make poor choices that effect a lot of people around us. Not just ourselves. And, as I have been told, it is about time I MAKE TIME for MYSELF.

I am thankful to all my dear friends and to my family who are supporting me through this. And, I will continue to blog. I need it! I've missed it!

So look forward to not only my new journey in re-finding myself but all of the funny school stories and puppy stories and my crazy life in general.

Happy HOT Saturday and puppy kisses (from Max) :-)

MAX and a life update...

A promise is a promise!

I know, I know! I promised I'd be back and more dedicated to my blog and see? Here I am again! I prefer to blog from the LT but seeing as we have the new pool and all I have been drawn to the outdoors in the middle of South Texas heat to 'adorn' the pool anytime I can get away from other chores.

I'm trying to crunch in as much 'free, un-invaded time' as possible before school starts back next week. (Yes, next week. For those of you who don't follow on FB, etc., we are in year round school which rocks but it cuts our actual Summers short).

Here is a little pic of the pool and our turtle I posted on FB and Instagram a couple weeks ago. I need to get a pic of the entire pool to post when we have the waterfall running and Hubby has the pretty lights on! In the late evening. PUUUURDY!

Anyhow, so this has been where I've been hanging out mostly. Reading, dipping, reading, floating on something, listening to music, swimming, checking FB, reading, dipping... You get the idea.

I have to brag that I'm developing quite the nice tan lines but I'm starting to notice I better moisturizer more often before I end up looking like this:

So that is what is up on this wonderfully warm summer Wednesday here at Farmers*wife's Castle! I hear my <s>steamy erotica</s> sundry, simply summer romance novel calling me and a slight whisper from the pool.

So, in the words of my Lil'Gal whom is currently creating her own "YouTube Channel' per request of her many friends who want to learn all her tips and tricks to 'surviving middle school and more',

"TOODLES until next time and remember, 'Make a difference.' (FYI, she's copywriting that.)

FW/Glass Half Full Gal

A promise is a promise!

FINALLY! I got my blog back!!!

A BIG HOWDY from Farmer'*s Wife who hasn't blogged in... well, ages obviously! I'm guessing close to a year since my last blog when we had recently lost my Biggun' and adopted Krezent, now known as THE BEAST and BUBBA.

I've really missed blogging but since I attached my blogger account (set up under my ymail email) to my Gmail account it has been so difficult because I can't blog from either = rather have to sign out, sign back in under another account, then after blogging sign back out and into the other account. And sometimes it just won't let me! WTH??

Then if I find I need to comment or moderate I have to... Well, you get the idea. It might sound contrite in the big scheme of things but considering a lot of time when I was a heavy blogger I could start a blog, stop for kids home work, blog, work on stirring dinner, continue blogging, then disrupted by the Hubby coming home or the laundry going off or... well, life.

For shame, right? My happy, blessed life interfering with my blogging? Hence, I've been away. But, once again, I miss the more open and detailed conversation of the blog. Most of my blogger friends have gone by the way side sucked into Facebook and Twitter with mostly short winded summarized statements (myself included). Although FB has brought in lots of upgraded options. But I miss the mix of being wordy and all the people who 'got me' and loved 'reading me' and about the ins and outs of life we all share.

Some of the best friends (outside my posse) were made through blogging. I found so many diversified friendships and networking regardless of parenting, parents, pets, writing, reading, recipes and personal deviances that we all have (if you think you are without a personal deviance then you probably have a big one, :-P ). I miss the outsourcing connection and I have to admit, when I'd check my hits on a particular post (like children's parties, recipes, pets, OCD and what I found to be a personal witty post) it did warm my heart that my little blog was causing a butterfly wave across the world...

So, with that. I am once again pleading my new found (again) dedication to my blog. I've had a lot of personal loss over the past year and a half or so but I have had a lot of new too. And being the optimist I am, or feel I was, I am re-finding my way into appreciating all that I have and finding the goodness and the silver lining. I mean, like I've always said. If you continue to look up your glass always looks at least half full. Looking down is an unacceptable perception. It deviates from reality. So look up. And look ME up. Here. Because I am back!

Happy Sunday; make it a fun day!

FINALLY! I got my blog back!!!