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Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Wine? Anyone? It could only happen to me.




So, I'm on my outing of errands today and one of the places on my list was the grocery store. As is typical, I meandered through the store on autopilot, grabbing appropriately priced (and nutritionally acceptable) items and placing them into my basket. All the meanwhile, my mind does wandering of its own. [It is SO nice to grocery shop without two wild, energetic children in tow.]

As I cart upon the wine isle, my mind becomes suddenly interested in what a "great" wine isle this is! I searched through the vast labels passing the wines I prefer but my pocket book does not allow, looking for my standard $5.00 favorite. [All the while wanting the "SIMI red" at $22.50 a bottle. It's worth; it's really, really good.]


Anyhow, there are so many new and unusual wines out there! Let me run down a few names I saw, most which had appropriately placed pictures to match:

"Barefoot" (the flavors/varieties are even color coded for you), "King Fish," "Fish Eye," "Little Penguin?" "Dog House," "Toasted Head" with a picture of a big brown bear (I think there is also a "Toasted Toad"). "Pink Truck, White Truck, Red Truck...." AND, for those of you with a mexican/italian flair they have "Il Bastardo."

So it hits me that I'm wearing my camera in it's backpack because I wouldn't dare to leave it in the truck. And, I think to myself -- I can take pictures of these neat bottles and share them...on my blog. So, I pull out my big a$$ camera and begin snapping away. "Mad Housewife" click..."S.O.B." definately click...."Menage' a Trois" WHAT? In red, white, and a variety mix? Another definate click... [I'm gonna' have to buy a bottle of this].

IN THE meantime, this guy [decently dressed man] comes down the isle talking to himself out loud (and he looks at ME, like I'm the idiot). So, then he tells himself via his "earbud" (I realize) that there is this "chick with her camera taking pics of the wine," to which he mumbling adds, "is she a nutcase?" He actually said that! In front of me! My face flushed and without even thinking I turned around and looked at him directly and said, "I CAN HEAR YOU! And, by the way? I am a severe alcoholic, I JUST got out of rehab, and my sponsor told me this was a GOOD exercise for me since I can't actually DRINK IT!" He looks at me like I really AM a freak, turns around and starts walking away. I know, where do I come up with this stuff.

It gets better.

Simultaneously, I get a tap on my shoulder from an employee [manager] of the store who asks me what I'm doing with my camera and that I'm "not allowed" [can you see me finger quoting here?] to take pictures of the merchandise. WTH? Are you flipping kidding me? So we debate about it and as I refused to delete the pictures from my camera (because this is totally STUPID), I am actually escorted out of the store. Out of the flipping grocery store. People are looking at me and I am flipping out inside. I will NEVER shop there, again. Of course, they probably have my picture from the security cameras hanging on the wall by now anyhow.

So, I get into my truck [SUV, whatever] with NO wine, NO groceries, just some pictures of several bottles of wine. So, now I start to feel a little stupid because afterall, who takes pictures of bottles of wine in the grocery store. And all of this? For my stupid blog. Anyhow, click on the pics above to see if you can zoom and "admire" my work.


[Editors Note: It didn't really happen quite this way; they didn't really escort me out of the store. But, I did get a lot of weird looks; and the guy DID, in fact, tell his earbud "there's a chick here with her camera taking pictures of the wine..."]
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5 comments:

Krishna said...

Ya know, you almost had me there. BTW, 'Bitch' wine is not as good as you think and 'Menage a Trois' is not that bad......the wine that is! LOL

Farmer*swife said...

I couldn't help myself. After that man/guy said that in his earbud and then turned around the other way (either to talk some more about me, or because I made him totally uncomfortable) I realized other people were looking at me too. Then, I actually did wonder if someone from the store might question me or say something.

So, that got me thinking the whole way home and by that time I almost believed the whole thing myself ;).

So, it just wouldn't have been right to not "tell all." LOL

"Bitch" wine...hmmm that sounds worth a try too!

Scottifer said...

Sis. You have issues. Many many issues. If it were me and the fella said "this chicks a nut." I'd start talking to the bottles like a photo shoot. "Come on ladies fermit for the camara." "Yeah that's hot!" Was this at the HEB?

Farmer*swife said...

scottifer: You did read the editors note, right? Great idea about the photo shoot! That woulda' been hilarious! And, yes, it was H.E.B.

Scottifer said...

Wellllll don't we tell our children not to tell lies??? Shame on you! LOL!

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