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Monday, January 12, 2009

Then again? Maybe she's a klepto...

It is quite possible, she's not a thief at all.  It is quite possible, that she is, indeed, a kleptomaniac. Is it possible to assess and diagnose in a five-year-old?
What are you taking about, FW?  You are asking.  Let me tell you a little story about how it all went down.
Last Night:
Mom is on her way out.  DH is at the chili dinner at the VFW.  I preferred to stay home to prep for the week that was about to begin in approximately twelve hours.  And, I didn't feel like exposing the children to the fog of cigarette smoke there.  
Mom calls, though running late [quite late], she will be pulling in shortly. 
I have Mom's money.  Mom is on a very limited budget due to her disabilities inflicted from a work related vehicular accident.   This is a whole other story for another time.
So, I have her money and I also have some Christmas cash and Birthday cash for the teenager who is about to turn 14.
But, where is my purse?  I can't find my purse!!  My cell phone is here, so my purse must have made it home from church and CCD.  I call DH.  Nope, no purse left in his truck.  No purse in the pantry.  No purse in the nook.  Funny, I don't recall those keys being there though.  Didn't they used to reside in my purse?
The pasta is now boiling over and making a mess all over my range top.  The sausage has not been put on the pit.  The kids need to shower, but still, I can't find my purse.  So, I send Mom and the teenager off after having searched everywhere, with a few dollars I was able to find.
Then begins the full scale investigation.  I know that purse is around here.  You wanna' know how I know?  Because my new little video camera is also here.  On the bar, next to the cell phone, next to the LT, confirming the purse was here.
And, I am a creature of habit.  I have rules for myself and I adhere to them very closely. Because if I do not, then things get out of place and life doesn't run smoothly.  Rule for the purse:  Either leave it in the pantry or leave it in the nook.  Period.
Can you guess where I begin?  Yep. Lil'Gal's room.  
I'd previously dashed through there a time or two in my rampart effort to find the dang thing. This time would be more thorough.  Lil'Gal, of course, is at my side wondering to herself out loud about "wherever could Mama's purse be?"    Ever so innocent and helpful.  
She hovers more tightly when I near the scene of the current criminality, and she falls aside as I veer from it.  Not knowing she's giving herself away.
I notice a bulge in her bed skirt.  I pick it up and place my face to the floor and what do I see? 
No purse.
There is, however, a full bag of powdered sugar, next to an empty bag of chocolate baking morsels, which rests beside a container of sprinkles and a canister of frosting.  The frosting is half eaten and has very identifying finger marks within. 
And, I was blaming myself for those two little cavities.  For griping out loud!
Another issue to be dealt with, but first item at hand -- find.that.purse!
I enter the closet.  Yep.  HOT.   She's stuck to me like glue!  "Mama, it's not in here!  I looked for you already."  Me, "Let me just take a look myself."  I scan the shelves and bins, and drawers with the keene sight of a Mother.  And then, I see it!  At the very top of her closet!  How the he!! did she get it up there?
Finally, I reach it and it is completely empty.  Panic hits me like a bat to the face!  I no longer have control, and I holler out, "WHERE'S MY CRAP!"
Long story short, she pulls all of my stuff out of two other purses (both, formerly mine).  I'm so relieved to have not lost money, identification, and so many other things that are housed in my purse.  How to handle this?  I really had to take a step back.  This was bad, and she knows not to get into my purse.
She does it anyway, but she knows better.  And, I never in a million years would have thought she'd out right steal it.  I can't blame her that her fingers are so viscid, can I?  Because this is not theft, this is out right kleptomania.  
FYI? DH's list of things to do today includes a note to "purchase lock for pantry door."  In good parenting, I will keep the pantry locked from now on.  Because, she is only five, and obviously doesn't have the self-control to police herself.  The cravings for snacks and sweets are too strong.  Her mind is too stealthy for her to understand and her fingers too tacky to control.
So in steps Mom.  And, the purse?  Why did she take it?  Why such a vehement crime?  She wanted to be like Mommy.  Now what Mom can truly argue with that.  So, this was one of those times when I took a lesson from my own childhood.  And, instead of flipping out, I sat down on the floor and talked with her.
We discussed Mommies and Children and how hard it is to wait to grow up.  Remember?  Remember when it was so hard?  Though, she knows next time the gavel will fall.  There won't be a please, Dear Lord, don't let there be a next time.
Gotta' love the little klepto.  Tarnished halo, and all. :-)
Happy De-Lurking Monday!



Krishna said... are a saint for not coming unglued. I love that you found her stash of sugar. Yup, time for a lock on that pretty organized pantry!

jezdez said...

Wow! After talking to you last night, I thought that, with the steam coming out of your ears, you were gonna shoot up straight through the roof!
I'm glad you were able to calm down and not have a heart attack!
I promise -- I'll babysit more!!
Tho, if she comes over here, I'm going to insist that she wear one of those pretty Christmas bells with a satin cord on her! ;)

Baseball Mom said...

Wow! LMAO...I am glad you found your items. The lock sounds like a wonderful idea.

Hope things get better, though it does give you stories to share. :)

Happy Monday!

Knight said...

My mother claims she would have to hide the peanut butter from me when I was a kid because even though I knew I wasn't supposed to have it I would somehow always find it and then she would find me hiding in the closet with my hand in the jar. Darn kids!

Certainly the most frustrating part about the purse is that she lied to you about it. I doubt that will ever happen again.

Farmer*swife said...

Krishna, yeah, I had to step back before I really blew steam. But, it was calming to find the money and stuff -- so that Mom could swing back by.

jezdez, wine is good for cooling off. :-)

BBMom, we've been discussing the lock for awhile. But, it has now come to a reality.

:-) I must say. I am quite proud of myself for not completely flipping out like a crazy Gal!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha. Well, maybe if you keep the purse stashed in the newly locked pantry with all the yummy food, she'll be barred from committing either crime again. Haha. I'm sorry. As a 24-year-old single girl who gave my parents hell when I was growing up, I know I've got it coming. But I still can't help but laugh at the misfortunes of those who are currently going through the hell. :) Happy klepto-preventing!


WPMomOf2 (jen) said...

OH MY GOSH!!! That is hilarious, but now you are on to her!! ha.

Prohomemaker.Com said...

Please forgive me, but I did LOL with the sugar and frosting finds under the bed. :-)

Lis Garrett said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant post! Oh, that'll be Bridget in another few years FOR SURE!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you found your purse.

OH.MY.GOODNESS!! You've definitely got a sugar monster on your hands. I know how she is thinking, and I know you need to lock that pantry ASAP!

And see, it WASN'T your fault about the teeth!! Wanna guess how long this has been going on? Nah, I didn't think so...